Wednesday, August 26, 2015

痛心

心里虽然难受,
但却还是尽量的压抑着,
最终还是受不了,
重返这风之城抒发内心的不悦……
我爱你,
但我无法接受每天看着你跟他是多么的甜蜜,
你说不管你跟谁在一起,
我依然会是你生命中那无法代替的一人,
但这次不一样,
我真的感觉得到,
我不再是你心里那个人了,
我已成了过客……
两年,说长不长,说短不短,
俩人分隔两地,
时间相差7小时,
但却持续地联络,
可自从他出现了,
一切都变了,
或许是我想太多,
但我真的觉得变了……
或许吧,
再坚定的爱也比不起身边的拥抱。
我伤心,心痛,
但还是假装坚强,无情,
跟你诀别……
看似没血没泪,
但心在淌血,
只是,你沉溺在甜蜜的爱情里,
所以没发现罢了。
算了吧,
反正不该说的狠话也说了,
说出去了,就收不回,
我已经做好准备,
面对接下来一段伤心的日子,
可我告诉自己,
心里再苦,
也要带着微笑去过日子~
=)

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Love you but good bye...

You always said that I'm being mean to you, and never write a blog about you, but you never know those who I wrote in my blog are people who I've decided to let go and won't contact again. So now, I guess it's time for you to be written down... Nothing stay forever isn't it? Everything end eventually, so do us.

Dear Steven,

You said I was mean and gone mad because I didn't want to tell you about our little story, but you don't know how I wish to listen it from you... You just don't.

Well, it doesn't matter anymore, here I am, writing down everything I remember about you, how we met, what we did, and the things we've gone through, when I'm done writing this down, I will share the link to you few days later. So when the time you read, I'm gone, yea... Gone from you.

So, you texted me in a social apps when I was backpacking with my classmates in London, we get along very well, and we decided to meet up before I'm leaving London back to Sheffield. I still remember the day we met was Friday, you were working, so we only get to meet during your lunch hour. At first, you were going to bring me to Burger and Lobster for our very first lunch, but we ended up eating burrito in a small restaurant, the lunch was nice. But lunch hour was short, so you gotta go back to work, and we have no choice but to say goodbye. But things went well when my schedule to go back to Sheffield got delayed, so we meetup again when you finish your work. We met up again, but this time, we walked around the central of London, you were being nice tour guide, showing me the places and telling me what they are. So we stop by somewhere near the River Thames, we sit on the bench, enjoying the chilling evening. But times passed, it's almost time for me to go back, so we have a drink at Starbucks near to Vauxhall... I still remember that you don't drink coffee because you were allergic to it. So we ended our very first meeting up session that day.

But it doesn't just end there, we keep in touch by then, that's how we getting know each other much more, which leads to our second meet up. I've told you I was an aviation geek, and I would like to pay my visit to the Royal Air Force museum in London. Without any hesitation, you said yes, and glad to bring me there. We had a great time there seeing all the amazing aircraft, watching shows, and of course the bird shows outside the museum. I remember you booked a pair of movie tickets for that evening, and you said it will be something that surprised, so I was excited, can't wait for it!

We ended our visits at RAF museum, then you brought me to O2 Arena, where the cinema but before that... You gave me another surprise! You brought me to Emirates Aviation Experience which located just next to O2 Arena, and you know what? It was the happiest moment of my life, I was so excited! You showed me where the flight simulators are, but it was too pricy so we didn't get the tickets for it, but.... Good things always happen! I remember how kind is the staff there, I guess she was touched by my excitements, so she let us go into the flight sims, to play with them for a moment! It's just a few minutes, but I've already satisfied with that! That's something I will never forget...!

So we proceed for dinner, you took me to a fine dining restaurant inside O2 Arena - Gaucho... It was the very first time for me to dine in a classy restaurant, and we had steak that night...! It seems little but it was actually filling... That's what you told me, and I have to agree with it no more. After we're done with our romantic candle light dinner, we walked to the cinema for our movie. There was still some times before our movie time, so you take me to the bar, and we had cocktail before the movie. You asked if I like something strong or sweet, and "poof"...! That's how I get my very first sip of Peach Schnapps! It was so peachy and I'm totally falling in love with it! Finally, it's time for the last surprise of that night! Movie time! We watched Red 2 that night with D-Box seat where it was also my first time to experience D-Box - the vibrating seat! The movie was great, the seat was awesome, that's a wonderful day....!

We woke up the next day, you cooked me a simple yet wonderful breakfast... Half-boiled eggs with a bacon thingy which you told me you had that when you were still a child. Lol...!

Then we went to Greenwich, but before we paying our visits to those attractions in Greenwich, we went to Greenwich Market to grab some foods, and did some window shopping... Then you brought me to Greenwich Maritime Museum, and of course the Royal Observatory where the beginning of time zone is, that where the earth is separate into East and West. We were queueing there for photography session, and that's when we saw a Chinese couple who had fight, and they didn't seems to enjoy their visits! Of course, someone brought a cute Paddington bear, and take a picture of him on the line! Haha... Finally it's our turn...! Coincidently I was standing on the East and you were stand on the West, I guess that's what they called fate. That's how we ended our Greenwich tour. =)

We then took the Clipper into the central of London, nice experience to take a boat into London..! Awesome...! Again, we have some walks in London city before heading back to Deptford Bridge where you were staying. Of course, not forgetting how we hold our hands tightly in the train, how you tried to peck me on my lips and others are not looking! Silly..!

I still remember the day I left was Monday, we get up early, get changed, you sent me to Victoria Station before you were heading to work and that's how we ended our second meetup in London..!

Finally, it comes to our third meet up which is also the final meet up. It was great, but then it's sad too...! Before I came to London for the last time, you told me how fun Thorpe Park is, and I said we should go..! That's how it becomes the agenda for our final meet up! We went to Thorpe Park! We had lot of fun that day..! The Swarm, The Saw, The Stealth, and of course........... Puffy! I will never forget him, fat-short-cute-giraffe...! Didn't take much pics that day because we were having too much fun.

The next day, the saddest there, where goodbye is finally here, again, you sent me to Victoria Station, but this time, you keep me accompanied until my bus arrived, we didn't talk much, or maybe because I didn't want to talk, because I was holding my tears as I don't want to cry in front of you. But still, you saw the sadness through my eyes, you know I'm sad because I know this will be the last time we seeing each other (and yes, it is, we never meet again, not anymore). The bus was finally here, you gave me a big and warm hugs, and a good bye kiss. I turned and walked to the bus, I finally lost control, my tears flowing out like a leaking pipe, it just can't stop, people around me was giving me weird look but I just couldn't stop crying, because I was sad to know that separation will be forever. (Tears drop again when I'm writing this... T.T )

Well, that's how we separated, but we were still keeping in touch, we whatsapp, line, and skype once awhile. I sent you postcards when I was traveling in Europe and also pictures of me to show you that I'm doing good...! Not forget the love lock which has our name that I hang on Pont Des Arts, but I guess it has been removed now... =/

Months later, you told me that you were seeing someone - Weily, I was so happy that you found a boyfriend, I'm truly happy for both of you.

Somehow things get worst when I was diagnosed to be Positive... Yes, the darkest days of my life, I'm sad, hopeless, don't know what to do, but you didn't give up on me, you were sad, you even cried for me... I'm glad that Weily was checking me out too even he didn't text me or something. I'm glad that you skyped with me 24/7, so that I feel warm and safe when I woke up from my nightmare, and didn't lost hope... If it wasn't you, I guess I've been dead right now by jumping out from the building, cutting myself or hang myself. Things get better with your supports, I move on with my life, found a job and live a simple life wishing that I could visiting London again.

Few months later, you broke up with Weily, which was quite sad. But you moved on very soon. It was one year later since our last meet up, time passed and then you told me you were dating with another guy - David. Ever since you dated with him, things changed, I don't receive any updates, text or calls. I know... I know this is it... The end... It's here! So I tell myself to let go, because there's nothing left, we parted thousands miles away, seven hours of time difference, no way we could ever meet again. So why should I still hold to this virtual relationship? There's not going to be any results, no happy ending, it's just nothing...

Do you know everytime I said, marry me, I truly mean it... Do you still remember when I said I would like us to go travel together when we're going meet up again, you told me we will go Spain, but do you know what hurt me the most? It's when I finally get to check out your facebook and I saw you and David having sweet time in Spain. That's when I finally gave up, letting it go... I love you but I gotta let you go. It hurts to let you go, but it's even hurt to see how I'm forgotten, to know how I'm not important anymore. So, am saying good bye to you for the one last time...

So here it is, the story of ours, you finally got it from me, which also means this story has finally ended. It didn't end happily but the memories were wonderful, thank you for everything.

Good bye, fatty...
You will always be my love just that we're won't be contacting each other. I will love the "you" that I had in my mind. You're always the perfect one to me no matter what. I love you.

Baby Josh