Tuesday, June 10, 2014

One of the sweetest and best moment of my life... J.D.

This blog is gonna be very explicit and...
I know many of you will discover my true self through this blog...
(well, you guys don't have to suspect and guess anymore)
I know I'm gonna regret if I didn't write this down due to my laziness...
So here it is!

Hmmm... Where should I start?
Well, let's start from December 2013,
it was the time where I went to Singapore to stay with my aunt for a week,
to experience the life in Singapore before I start working,
it was also the time where I'm hunting a job there.

I remembered that you texted me first in the afternoon when I was visiting the S.E.A. Aquarium,
too bad thatI had no data plan in Singapore that time,
so I only get to reply you when I get to my aunt house at night,
then we started to chat abit,
and added each other in facebook,
and eventually ask for your whatsapp. (contact number)
I told you that I'm so new to this place,
and want you to be my tour guide,
and you agree with that and say will show me around when I settle down.
I actually didn't take that seriously until.... hmmm...

*So that's how we started to know each other*

You were too good (I mean your outlook, job and life),
that I didn't think that you will be interested in me,
so I didn't really keep in touch with you after that...
until....

It was Thursday afternoon,
where I was working in the office at Kallang,
and out of sudden,
I got your messages,(after few months)
I'm quite surprised and chatted with you a little while,
we were about to knock off from work that time,
and you ask me for dinner,
without any hesitation I said Yes!
So you said you will buy dinner for us,
and it was the famous "Boon Tong Kee chicken rice" in Singapore.

So there I was,
the first time seeing you in real,
we smiled and the first thing you said was "you're not afraid of getting crashed by car huh?".
(because I didn't cross the road at the traffic light...)
then you took me to your house and of course your room to put down my stuffs,
before I had the chance to put down my bag,
you hugged me and kissed me on my lips surprisingly. (very enjoy that moment!)
and we get ourselves changed after that. (I wore your hot pants... Lol~!)

We moved to the living room to have our dinner after that little moment,
I still remember we were watching the HK drama "M Club 俱乐部" while having our dinner,
I remembered when I open the dinner box,
I picked out the chicken's skin and you asked me to give them to you,. don't waste them. (So sweet!)
So we finished our dinner and sit back on the couch to enjoy the drama,
then you started to hug me and we started to cuddle abit,
You touched my face gently like I'm a baby, pinched my nose, and look into my eyes,
we make out a bit until the drama finally ended.

So we go back to room after that,
we're laying on the bed while having a little chit chat,
then we started to cuddle again,
and of course make out abit and.... (That's too much to say now....)
We had a little hot and wild session,
the whole session was actually quite sweet and fun,
we were so enjoy and we laughed alot during the session. (getting more and more over... >o<)
We were quite exhausted after that,
so we actually fell asleep, (I slept in your arms)
I remember your breathe, your scent,
I and feel very secure to be with you...
 So we woke up from our sweet nap,
and notice it's already late and I had to go,
but before I left,
we took a shower together, (Oppssss.....)
and had a little sweet time inside. Lol...
So I left after we showered.
I remember you waited until I got into the bus,
and we waved each other for the goodbye,
then you asked me to give you a message when I home,
to ensure that I'm safe and sound... (It's quite heart warming...)

It was actually my birthday a week after that, (Thursday again)
so I decided to date you on the day,
but it was so coincident and sarcastic that you had birthday celebration for your friend,
somehow you still make time for me,
you date me after your dinner...
**skipped some details else the post will end in forever**
So we meetup at your place.....again!
I put down my bag and lay on your bed like it was mine,
then you go to your wardrobe and take out your boxer,
and asked me to wear it for the night later...
So we had a lot of chat that night,
and you asked me to join you for the Sundown 40km Marathon on Saturday midnight,
I was quite interested in that actually,
besides, you asked me out on Sunday for movie and meal, (was quite surprised and happy)
and then you took out the book of postcards you bought in Tibet and showed them to me,
I remembered every postcard has a meaningful quote on it which is written by the Dalai Lama.
But I was so distracted and didn't really want to read them,
so I started to cuddle and behave like a worm,
you noticed that and you put aside the postcards.
You were having your shower while I was watching some stupid youtube video on the bed,
then we lay on the bed again(in your arms),
and had a little pillow talk session.
Then things go naughty again and we.... (Imagination time again!)
So once again,
we fell asleep after the "naughty session",
curled up together with your strong and warm arm around me.
Then we woke up, and get ready for work,
it was raining in the morning,
and you're quite worried me getting sick because of it,
you want me to carry the big umbrella but I refuse to,
so I get to work without umbrella yet still enjoy the morning,
because.... 
It was the best birthday I ever had!

I think that's it...the ending... Lol
I had a very life changing moment two days after my Birthday,
and I lose everything in my life including you.
I'm glad that you didn't reject me or ignore me when I told you about the curse,
instead... you asked me to be positive and take care of myself,
I'm touched and I actually cried alot knowing that we might not be able to see each other anymore.
That's the reason why I'm writting this down,
so that one day when I read this,
I know that I once had such a wonderful moment with you...
I miss you and love you always, my dear.
 

Saturday, June 7, 2014

人生最低潮…… 天什么时候会晴朗呢?

   22岁,可以说是我人生最灿烂的一刻,学业生涯的最后一年… 这一年,是我真正踏入这个圈子,也在这一年有机会踏足英国欧洲。这一年过的非常的快,也过的非常的快乐,尝试了各种的疯狂… 还身处天堂的我尝到了不该触碰的禁果,而这时恶魔的脚步也尾随而来,准备将我推下地狱…

   22岁末,当了几个月的失业游民,我终于在新加坡找到了一份工作,准备为人生的下一章掀开序幕… 05/05/2014 这一天,因为害怕,孤独,我哭着来到新加坡… 还记得那天晚上,我哭着跟朋友说我有多想家什么的… 几天过去了,我也渐渐地习惯了,也开始享受这里的生活。

   就这样过去了一个星期,在缘分的安排下我认识他了… 后来在很突然的情况下,我们约了见面。我只能说我触电了,我被他深深地吸引了,我知道他就是我要找的人… 那天过后,我决定在生日那一天约他,可是碰巧他那晚也有晚宴。不过他还是决定晚宴结束后陪我,我也答应了。由于第二天有工作,所以就在他家过夜… 晚上的细节就不多说了,我只能说那时我度过最开心最幸福的生日了… 那天之后,我觉得我们都会有更深的发展,关系会升华… 我们本来还约了星期天一起吃饭,看电影…

   31/05/2014 生日后的两天,这是我人生最黑暗的一天… (不明白为什么我没有自杀)这一天,上天给了我一个这一辈子都甩不掉的可怕诅咒…(我希望在不久的将来出现奇迹)从这一刻开始,我失去了所有,我失去了我的工作,也因为它,我被新国驱离… 这意味着我再也不能见到他了… 一刹那间我失去了所有,我既然没有去自杀,我真的觉得自己太坚强了,如果死掉可能就不用伤心难过了…

   05/06/2014 刚好满一个月,这一天…我也是哭着离开,不舍得这里的一切,我很想他,想念这里方便,想念晚上可以自由的在街上跑步… 遗憾的是我还没来得及参加新加坡的Marathon就要离开了… 我记得在机场,我跟伦敦的朋友通电话,我一直哭一直告诉他我多想他,哭着说我很想留下来,直到上了飞机我才把眼泪忍住了… 起飞前我讯息他说我飞了,他说要好好照顾身体,要乐观,Be Positive,我也只回了淡淡的“嗯,我会的”…

……就这样我瞒着家人飞回国了……

   其实当我知道这个噩耗的时候,我当下第一个反应是,我要去伦敦!呆在这里只会让我更忧郁,更不知怎么面对,我宁愿选择逃避… 这个想法现在依然存在,只是有好多东西要安排,不能太冲动。现在能做的就只是见一步走一步,再慢慢找工作了…

*或许你们会问,到底发生了什么事?事情还没稳定之前我还不想说出来,如果你够聪明可能你猜得出是什么*
 

 

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

英国那时的你

每当无所事事躺在床上的时候,
偶尔还是会想起在英国的那段日子,
而每次想起英国的时候总会想起你,
因为在英国求学的这段回忆里,
你已经占据了很大的位置。

你在我去英国之前的前几个星期出现,
然后在我从英国回来的时候消失了……
可笑的是,
我们连面都没见过就已经许下了一堆的承诺,
结果到最后都只是浮云,
一切随风而逝。

你的突然消失,
真的让我摸不清是怎么一回事,
我很错愕但却也不能怎样,
试着讯息你,可你已经没有回复了,
冲动之下我把关于你的一切都删除,
为的只是想尽快忘记你,
却没想到反而更加地想念你,
我多么希望时间能够停在英国的时候,
即使我们没有在一起,
但至少我是幸福的…

你知道吗?
因为你现在每当下午4点至6点,
我都会很自然的加上7个小时,
因为那时我们相差7个小时,
而4点至6点刚好是你放工了,
而我下课了的时候,
所以那是我们聊天的时候。
有时候我会特地很迟才睡,
为的只是和你说一句早安…

我记得我们最常说的一句话是,
Do you have something to tell me?
听起来好像在审讯,
其实是在关心对方,
想知道近况罢了。
彼此分享了好多的东西,
从学业,工作,心情到未来…
 现在想起,
心里还是甜甜的…

虽然我不知道你为何突然消失掉,
但我至少我曾经幸福过,
这段回忆不管怎么说还是甜的。

虽然知道我们能见面的机会几乎0.0000000000123%
但每次我在KLIA转机,
或等待航班的时候,
都会期待你会从某个方向走出来,
然后我会上前去跟你打招呼,
你或许已经忘了我是谁,
但没关系,
只要让你知道有一个人傻傻的记住你就好了…
或许有一天我会在飞行的途中,
驾驶舱里的机长是你…
哈哈…


P/s:因为你,我现在不敢从看冲上云霄,因为我肯定会想起你,然后伤心…
       我爱你……M
       =) 这个表情符号也是受你影响,现在都会用它

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Home

I know I suppose to post something happy and joyful today,
but I really had enough,
woke up in the morning and keep listen to some nags.

So everything is my fault then?
Now you are complaining to mom about me,
like I'm the worst person in the world,
you say wanna live like a family but you're not treating me like how eldest sis did,
you are treating me like a burden, and how you want me to feel like a family?
You say I never call you, but did you ever asked why your son never call me?
and how your son treat me? I always keep in my heart, cause I don't wanna cause any problems.
You asked me to take out all my things and put them in the wardrobe and cupboard,
I refused and you complain to mom that I'm like a tramp,
but did you know that you told me that is your son's room,
then why should I take it as my own room?
I'm just staying at your place for temporarily,
and it is you who ask me to come and stay,
and then you treated me in that way and keep complaining.
I don't feel comfortable at all,
and how you want me to feel Home here?
I feel more home when I'm staying with my friends,
and even alone in penthouse,
I got my own room,
my own space,
and freedom,
but what I got here is just Trap,
I'm trapped!

If you want to invite people to stay at your place,
please welcome warmly,
not treated them like a burden,
they feel it but they just endure it,
because it's not their home afterall.

Everytime I back eldest sis house,
that's what called a home,
I know which room am I gonna stay,
where to put my things,
and treat each other like a family,
not a GUEST!