Sunday, October 16, 2016

Coconut Peach

Hey KC,

I still remember how we met on Masjid Jamek that early morning when I was on my way to work,
I walked up to the platform and saw a guy looking at me, he smile at me, and I smiled back,
before I can turn away, he walked up to me, asking did I studied in UK before... and that's you...
that's how you engaged me... that's how we exchange our number.
I must say that's the best pick up I ever had...

Since then, we chatted day and night, sharing our stories, our thoughts, anything we could think about, we will talk bout it... It was kinda of sweet, and I actually thought you were the one that I've been looking for all my life...

but I was wrong....

Things were too good to be true, I've tried asking you out numerous time, but everytime I asked, you would gave different excuses, but then you told me you were hanging out here and there with your friends, your ex and etc, but never once you accept my invitation. I told you I would wait until you willing to see me, I also said that I have faith in that. But... I'm just too naive...

That's what people say, when patience were completely consumed, you started to consume the love... My love for you has been decreasing day by day until one day when I said I missed you, and all you ever replied was thank you. That's when I realise I'm so dumb that I've waited you for more than half a year just to see you once. I decided to stop texting you since then. I removed your contacts, our chat history, everything so that I would not have the slight chance to be stupid again to text you.

Three months passed, you text me... Trying to be good, I replied you,and that's how things started again. We start texting, but not the same like last time, I would not initiate conversations nor giving you long text. Then you told me you wanted to meet me up, of course I was very happy and looking forward for it, but deep down I know this is just another lie you trying to make... and I was right, there it was on the day where you were suppose to meet me, no text no calls, I know what's that mean, the game is on again... and yes, that's when all my love, my patience, my hope, my dream were all gone...

Today, you told me that you are going to "somewhere" and told me you were sick again recently, but you never did mention about why you didn't meet me or so... See, the same trick you did... This time, I just give "TC" and then immediately i deleted the chat... The "TC" is my last text to you, and I hope you don't text me again. Oh ya, i never saved your contact since the last time I removed you, and it turns out I was right, you doesn't deserve that...

Good bye...

Monday, October 3, 2016

What's my preferences?

I often get asked by friends that what's my ideal type of BF,
whenever they asked that, I would stun there and there's no answers in my mind...
Perhaps I should write it down, so that the next time the same question comes in, I know what to answer.

What would he be like?
Of course everyone will always hope for the perfect bf,
handsome, fit, rich, caring, friendly...
perfect in every way, but it's that possible?
and if he's so perfect,he wouldn't be interested me though...hahaha...

So let me think,
maybe my ideal bf would be like this,
he doesn't have to be as perfect as that,
short and smart hair,
eyes that fills with stories,
cool looking face, but when he smile, he would be so cute so adorable,
height really doesn't matter to me, as long as we're doesn't look a giant and dwarf,
body wise, doesn't have to be as perfect as a gym rat,
just average, not too skinny, not too fat, little muscle on the biceps would be fine.
he doesn't need to have a fancy job, as long as he's able to survive with his job that's more than enough.
What else?
oh ya... characteristic...
Caring! Being bf meaning we would care for each other, our lives, our health and of course our emotions.
Sporty too, maybe we can do some sports during our leisure time, morning jog, evening swim, or maybe hiking! hahaha...

Well, well, well... I guess I'm stuck again, let's update again when I think of something again!

Saturday, April 16, 2016


Saturday, October 3, 2015






Wednesday, August 26, 2015



Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Love you but good bye...

You always said that I'm being mean to you, and never write a blog about you, but you never know those who I wrote in my blog are people who I've decided to let go and won't contact again. So now, I guess it's time for you to be written down... Nothing stay forever isn't it? Everything end eventually, so do us.

Dear Steven,

You said I was mean and gone mad because I didn't want to tell you about our little story, but you don't know how I wish to listen it from you... You just don't.

Well, it doesn't matter anymore, here I am, writing down everything I remember about you, how we met, what we did, and the things we've gone through, when I'm done writing this down, I will share the link to you few days later. So when the time you read, I'm gone, yea... Gone from you.

So, you texted me in a social apps when I was backpacking with my classmates in London, we get along very well, and we decided to meet up before I'm leaving London back to Sheffield. I still remember the day we met was Friday, you were working, so we only get to meet during your lunch hour. At first, you were going to bring me to Burger and Lobster for our very first lunch, but we ended up eating burrito in a small restaurant, the lunch was nice. But lunch hour was short, so you gotta go back to work, and we have no choice but to say goodbye. But things went well when my schedule to go back to Sheffield got delayed, so we meetup again when you finish your work. We met up again, but this time, we walked around the central of London, you were being nice tour guide, showing me the places and telling me what they are. So we stop by somewhere near the River Thames, we sit on the bench, enjoying the chilling evening. But times passed, it's almost time for me to go back, so we have a drink at Starbucks near to Vauxhall... I still remember that you don't drink coffee because you were allergic to it. So we ended our very first meeting up session that day.

But it doesn't just end there, we keep in touch by then, that's how we getting know each other much more, which leads to our second meet up. I've told you I was an aviation geek, and I would like to pay my visit to the Royal Air Force museum in London. Without any hesitation, you said yes, and glad to bring me there. We had a great time there seeing all the amazing aircraft, watching shows, and of course the bird shows outside the museum. I remember you booked a pair of movie tickets for that evening, and you said it will be something that surprised, so I was excited, can't wait for it!

We ended our visits at RAF museum, then you brought me to O2 Arena, where the cinema but before that... You gave me another surprise! You brought me to Emirates Aviation Experience which located just next to O2 Arena, and you know what? It was the happiest moment of my life, I was so excited! You showed me where the flight simulators are, but it was too pricy so we didn't get the tickets for it, but.... Good things always happen! I remember how kind is the staff there, I guess she was touched by my excitements, so she let us go into the flight sims, to play with them for a moment! It's just a few minutes, but I've already satisfied with that! That's something I will never forget...!

So we proceed for dinner, you took me to a fine dining restaurant inside O2 Arena - Gaucho... It was the very first time for me to dine in a classy restaurant, and we had steak that night...! It seems little but it was actually filling... That's what you told me, and I have to agree with it no more. After we're done with our romantic candle light dinner, we walked to the cinema for our movie. There was still some times before our movie time, so you take me to the bar, and we had cocktail before the movie. You asked if I like something strong or sweet, and "poof"...! That's how I get my very first sip of Peach Schnapps! It was so peachy and I'm totally falling in love with it! Finally, it's time for the last surprise of that night! Movie time! We watched Red 2 that night with D-Box seat where it was also my first time to experience D-Box - the vibrating seat! The movie was great, the seat was awesome, that's a wonderful day....!

We woke up the next day, you cooked me a simple yet wonderful breakfast... Half-boiled eggs with a bacon thingy which you told me you had that when you were still a child. Lol...!

Then we went to Greenwich, but before we paying our visits to those attractions in Greenwich, we went to Greenwich Market to grab some foods, and did some window shopping... Then you brought me to Greenwich Maritime Museum, and of course the Royal Observatory where the beginning of time zone is, that where the earth is separate into East and West. We were queueing there for photography session, and that's when we saw a Chinese couple who had fight, and they didn't seems to enjoy their visits! Of course, someone brought a cute Paddington bear, and take a picture of him on the line! Haha... Finally it's our turn...! Coincidently I was standing on the East and you were stand on the West, I guess that's what they called fate. That's how we ended our Greenwich tour. =)

We then took the Clipper into the central of London, nice experience to take a boat into London..! Awesome...! Again, we have some walks in London city before heading back to Deptford Bridge where you were staying. Of course, not forgetting how we hold our hands tightly in the train, how you tried to peck me on my lips and others are not looking! Silly..!

I still remember the day I left was Monday, we get up early, get changed, you sent me to Victoria Station before you were heading to work and that's how we ended our second meetup in London..!

Finally, it comes to our third meet up which is also the final meet up. It was great, but then it's sad too...! Before I came to London for the last time, you told me how fun Thorpe Park is, and I said we should go..! That's how it becomes the agenda for our final meet up! We went to Thorpe Park! We had lot of fun that day..! The Swarm, The Saw, The Stealth, and of course........... Puffy! I will never forget him, fat-short-cute-giraffe...! Didn't take much pics that day because we were having too much fun.

The next day, the saddest there, where goodbye is finally here, again, you sent me to Victoria Station, but this time, you keep me accompanied until my bus arrived, we didn't talk much, or maybe because I didn't want to talk, because I was holding my tears as I don't want to cry in front of you. But still, you saw the sadness through my eyes, you know I'm sad because I know this will be the last time we seeing each other (and yes, it is, we never meet again, not anymore). The bus was finally here, you gave me a big and warm hugs, and a good bye kiss. I turned and walked to the bus, I finally lost control, my tears flowing out like a leaking pipe, it just can't stop, people around me was giving me weird look but I just couldn't stop crying, because I was sad to know that separation will be forever. (Tears drop again when I'm writing this... T.T )

Well, that's how we separated, but we were still keeping in touch, we whatsapp, line, and skype once awhile. I sent you postcards when I was traveling in Europe and also pictures of me to show you that I'm doing good...! Not forget the love lock which has our name that I hang on Pont Des Arts, but I guess it has been removed now... =/

Months later, you told me that you were seeing someone - Weily, I was so happy that you found a boyfriend, I'm truly happy for both of you.

Somehow things get worst when I was diagnosed to be Positive... Yes, the darkest days of my life, I'm sad, hopeless, don't know what to do, but you didn't give up on me, you were sad, you even cried for me... I'm glad that Weily was checking me out too even he didn't text me or something. I'm glad that you skyped with me 24/7, so that I feel warm and safe when I woke up from my nightmare, and didn't lost hope... If it wasn't you, I guess I've been dead right now by jumping out from the building, cutting myself or hang myself. Things get better with your supports, I move on with my life, found a job and live a simple life wishing that I could visiting London again.

Few months later, you broke up with Weily, which was quite sad. But you moved on very soon. It was one year later since our last meet up, time passed and then you told me you were dating with another guy - David. Ever since you dated with him, things changed, I don't receive any updates, text or calls. I know... I know this is it... The end... It's here! So I tell myself to let go, because there's nothing left, we parted thousands miles away, seven hours of time difference, no way we could ever meet again. So why should I still hold to this virtual relationship? There's not going to be any results, no happy ending, it's just nothing...

Do you know everytime I said, marry me, I truly mean it... Do you still remember when I said I would like us to go travel together when we're going meet up again, you told me we will go Spain, but do you know what hurt me the most? It's when I finally get to check out your facebook and I saw you and David having sweet time in Spain. That's when I finally gave up, letting it go... I love you but I gotta let you go. It hurts to let you go, but it's even hurt to see how I'm forgotten, to know how I'm not important anymore. So, am saying good bye to you for the one last time...

So here it is, the story of ours, you finally got it from me, which also means this story has finally ended. It didn't end happily but the memories were wonderful, thank you for everything.

Good bye, fatty...
You will always be my love just that we're won't be contacting each other. I will love the "you" that I had in my mind. You're always the perfect one to me no matter what. I love you.

Baby Josh

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

One of the sweetest and best moment of my life... J.D.

This blog is gonna be very explicit and...
I know many of you will discover my true self through this blog...
(well, you guys don't have to suspect and guess anymore)
I know I'm gonna regret if I didn't write this down due to my laziness...
So here it is!

Hmmm... Where should I start?
Well, let's start from December 2013,
it was the time where I went to Singapore to stay with my aunt for a week,
to experience the life in Singapore before I start working,
it was also the time where I'm hunting a job there.

I remembered that you texted me first in the afternoon when I was visiting the S.E.A. Aquarium,
too bad thatI had no data plan in Singapore that time,
so I only get to reply you when I get to my aunt house at night,
then we started to chat abit,
and added each other in facebook,
and eventually ask for your whatsapp. (contact number)
I told you that I'm so new to this place,
and want you to be my tour guide,
and you agree with that and say will show me around when I settle down.
I actually didn't take that seriously until.... hmmm...

*So that's how we started to know each other*

You were too good (I mean your outlook, job and life),
that I didn't think that you will be interested in me,
so I didn't really keep in touch with you after that...

It was Thursday afternoon,
where I was working in the office at Kallang,
and out of sudden,
I got your messages,(after few months)
I'm quite surprised and chatted with you a little while,
we were about to knock off from work that time,
and you ask me for dinner,
without any hesitation I said Yes!
So you said you will buy dinner for us,
and it was the famous "Boon Tong Kee chicken rice" in Singapore.

So there I was,
the first time seeing you in real,
we smiled and the first thing you said was "you're not afraid of getting crashed by car huh?".
(because I didn't cross the road at the traffic light...)
then you took me to your house and of course your room to put down my stuffs,
before I had the chance to put down my bag,
you hugged me and kissed me on my lips surprisingly. (very enjoy that moment!)
and we get ourselves changed after that. (I wore your hot pants... Lol~!)

We moved to the living room to have our dinner after that little moment,
I still remember we were watching the HK drama "M Club 俱乐部" while having our dinner,
I remembered when I open the dinner box,
I picked out the chicken's skin and you asked me to give them to you,. don't waste them. (So sweet!)
So we finished our dinner and sit back on the couch to enjoy the drama,
then you started to hug me and we started to cuddle abit,
You touched my face gently like I'm a baby, pinched my nose, and look into my eyes,
we make out a bit until the drama finally ended.

So we go back to room after that,
we're laying on the bed while having a little chit chat,
then we started to cuddle again,
and of course make out abit and.... (That's too much to say now....)
We had a little hot and wild session,
the whole session was actually quite sweet and fun,
we were so enjoy and we laughed alot during the session. (getting more and more over... >o<)
We were quite exhausted after that,
so we actually fell asleep, (I slept in your arms)
I remember your breathe, your scent,
I and feel very secure to be with you...
 So we woke up from our sweet nap,
and notice it's already late and I had to go,
but before I left,
we took a shower together, (Oppssss.....)
and had a little sweet time inside. Lol...
So I left after we showered.
I remember you waited until I got into the bus,
and we waved each other for the goodbye,
then you asked me to give you a message when I home,
to ensure that I'm safe and sound... (It's quite heart warming...)

It was actually my birthday a week after that, (Thursday again)
so I decided to date you on the day,
but it was so coincident and sarcastic that you had birthday celebration for your friend,
somehow you still make time for me,
you date me after your dinner...
**skipped some details else the post will end in forever**
So we meetup at your place.....again!
I put down my bag and lay on your bed like it was mine,
then you go to your wardrobe and take out your boxer,
and asked me to wear it for the night later...
So we had a lot of chat that night,
and you asked me to join you for the Sundown 40km Marathon on Saturday midnight,
I was quite interested in that actually,
besides, you asked me out on Sunday for movie and meal, (was quite surprised and happy)
and then you took out the book of postcards you bought in Tibet and showed them to me,
I remembered every postcard has a meaningful quote on it which is written by the Dalai Lama.
But I was so distracted and didn't really want to read them,
so I started to cuddle and behave like a worm,
you noticed that and you put aside the postcards.
You were having your shower while I was watching some stupid youtube video on the bed,
then we lay on the bed again(in your arms),
and had a little pillow talk session.
Then things go naughty again and we.... (Imagination time again!)
So once again,
we fell asleep after the "naughty session",
curled up together with your strong and warm arm around me.
Then we woke up, and get ready for work,
it was raining in the morning,
and you're quite worried me getting sick because of it,
you want me to carry the big umbrella but I refuse to,
so I get to work without umbrella yet still enjoy the morning,
It was the best birthday I ever had!

I think that's it...the ending... Lol
I had a very life changing moment two days after my Birthday,
and I lose everything in my life including you.
I'm glad that you didn't reject me or ignore me when I told you about the curse,
instead... you asked me to be positive and take care of myself,
I'm touched and I actually cried alot knowing that we might not be able to see each other anymore.
That's the reason why I'm writting this down,
so that one day when I read this,
I know that I once had such a wonderful moment with you...
I miss you and love you always, my dear.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

人生最低潮…… 天什么时候会晴朗呢?

   22岁,可以说是我人生最灿烂的一刻,学业生涯的最后一年… 这一年,是我真正踏入这个圈子,也在这一年有机会踏足英国欧洲。这一年过的非常的快,也过的非常的快乐,尝试了各种的疯狂… 还身处天堂的我尝到了不该触碰的禁果,而这时恶魔的脚步也尾随而来,准备将我推下地狱…

   22岁末,当了几个月的失业游民,我终于在新加坡找到了一份工作,准备为人生的下一章掀开序幕… 05/05/2014 这一天,因为害怕,孤独,我哭着来到新加坡… 还记得那天晚上,我哭着跟朋友说我有多想家什么的… 几天过去了,我也渐渐地习惯了,也开始享受这里的生活。

   就这样过去了一个星期,在缘分的安排下我认识他了… 后来在很突然的情况下,我们约了见面。我只能说我触电了,我被他深深地吸引了,我知道他就是我要找的人… 那天过后,我决定在生日那一天约他,可是碰巧他那晚也有晚宴。不过他还是决定晚宴结束后陪我,我也答应了。由于第二天有工作,所以就在他家过夜… 晚上的细节就不多说了,我只能说那时我度过最开心最幸福的生日了… 那天之后,我觉得我们都会有更深的发展,关系会升华… 我们本来还约了星期天一起吃饭,看电影…

   31/05/2014 生日后的两天,这是我人生最黑暗的一天… (不明白为什么我没有自杀)这一天,上天给了我一个这一辈子都甩不掉的可怕诅咒…(我希望在不久的将来出现奇迹)从这一刻开始,我失去了所有,我失去了我的工作,也因为它,我被新国驱离… 这意味着我再也不能见到他了… 一刹那间我失去了所有,我既然没有去自杀,我真的觉得自己太坚强了,如果死掉可能就不用伤心难过了…

   05/06/2014 刚好满一个月,这一天…我也是哭着离开,不舍得这里的一切,我很想他,想念这里方便,想念晚上可以自由的在街上跑步… 遗憾的是我还没来得及参加新加坡的Marathon就要离开了… 我记得在机场,我跟伦敦的朋友通电话,我一直哭一直告诉他我多想他,哭着说我很想留下来,直到上了飞机我才把眼泪忍住了… 起飞前我讯息他说我飞了,他说要好好照顾身体,要乐观,Be Positive,我也只回了淡淡的“嗯,我会的”…


   其实当我知道这个噩耗的时候,我当下第一个反应是,我要去伦敦!呆在这里只会让我更忧郁,更不知怎么面对,我宁愿选择逃避… 这个想法现在依然存在,只是有好多东西要安排,不能太冲动。现在能做的就只是见一步走一步,再慢慢找工作了…



Tuesday, January 7, 2014






Do you have something to tell me?



       =) 这个表情符号也是受你影响,现在都会用它

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


I know I suppose to post something happy and joyful today,
but I really had enough,
woke up in the morning and keep listen to some nags.

So everything is my fault then?
Now you are complaining to mom about me,
like I'm the worst person in the world,
you say wanna live like a family but you're not treating me like how eldest sis did,
you are treating me like a burden, and how you want me to feel like a family?
You say I never call you, but did you ever asked why your son never call me?
and how your son treat me? I always keep in my heart, cause I don't wanna cause any problems.
You asked me to take out all my things and put them in the wardrobe and cupboard,
I refused and you complain to mom that I'm like a tramp,
but did you know that you told me that is your son's room,
then why should I take it as my own room?
I'm just staying at your place for temporarily,
and it is you who ask me to come and stay,
and then you treated me in that way and keep complaining.
I don't feel comfortable at all,
and how you want me to feel Home here?
I feel more home when I'm staying with my friends,
and even alone in penthouse,
I got my own room,
my own space,
and freedom,
but what I got here is just Trap,
I'm trapped!

If you want to invite people to stay at your place,
please welcome warmly,
not treated them like a burden,
they feel it but they just endure it,
because it's not their home afterall.

Everytime I back eldest sis house,
that's what called a home,
I know which room am I gonna stay,
where to put my things,
and treat each other like a family,
not a GUEST!

Saturday, November 30, 2013


After graduated for sometimes,
and being jobless and nothing to do,
this question suddenly came to my mind in the middle of the night.

What is my dream?

I questioned myself for several times,
and I started to get scared,
I'm frightening,
I'm miserable,
I'm just don't know what to do.

What if I don't know what my dream is?
What if I too afraid to dream?
What if I don't know what I want for?
What if...

I feel like all I'm doing is dying,
I'm living inside other plans,
born - study - get a job - get a family - dead
So this is life huh?
So what is it I really want to do?
What is my dream?

Like everyone said,
I want to be rich...!
but... there's always a but,
how to be rich?
Get a job work like everyone else?
How many years will it take to be rich?
and this is not going to make me a millionaire...
Make my own business?
How do I get start?
How much money do I need to start a business?
Where this money come from?
There's just too many questions for each road I choose,
and all lead me to different end,
so which route should I choose?

Well, I guess after all
I think I should just start working.
At least that's how I stay alive,
isn't it?
Well, I just hope I can get a job soon,
at least I don't have to stay idle and think too much.

When I'm just about finish writing this blog,
I have a feeling that I know what my dream is,
that's strange but it feels good... =)

**I was listening to Yiruma's playlist in youtube,
and when I peeped to the title of the music I'm listening,
it called "Dream"... How ironic is that?

Friday, August 23, 2013




Monday, July 29, 2013


哈哈哈… 今天就写到这… 拜!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Just disppointed...

Time waits for nobody,
I've already been in UK for almost 2 months now.
I still remember on the day I leave Malaysia,
I called you in the airport telling you that I'm leaving,
and inside the plane before boarding,
you call me for the one last time,
you were very funny in the phone,
and I still remember the last word we say to each other in the phone,
its: I miss you...

You said,
after I settle down,
send you my address and you would send something to me,
and since then,
I check the mailbox everyday hoping that there's something for me,
however everytime I opened the mailbox,
what I received is "disappointment",
I know I'm too naive,
and too dumb to believe in everything you said.
I take it as a promise,
but you never remember bout it.
So I fed up,
I give up on hope,
not checking my mailbox since it will always be empty...

Just like what I posted in facebook,
Checking mailbox is fun when you're expecting someone to send you letter,
but you will not check it again when you know that there wont be anything inside...
It's kind of sad and disappointed...
Promises are always meant to be broken.

Saturday, July 13, 2013



难道只是上天要给我的一个考验? (我也一直这样说服自己)